Identity: The Hidden

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I have to wear it and I feel that I need it to go out where people will see me, I don’t think of myself as ugly but when I take my makeup off at night I feel that way, almost as though I am more myself with a layer of foundation than with just my own skin, I need to even out my redness I need to emphasize my cheekbones I need to make my nose look smaller I need to make my eyes look bluer I want to make myself look how I wish I looked with no makeup on at all, but wait, maybe that’s not it, maybe I just enjoy it, Maybe I just enjoy making myself into a new person every day or maybe I like how my eyes look blue with one color eyeshadow and grey with another and maybe I like not seeing my cheeks get so red when I get anxious and maybe it is fun to sometimes get crazy and fun and turn myself into someone I don’t recognize and maybe it’s just an extension of my art practice, the idea of a changing face, a canvas attached to my body at all times, every day the chance to make a new creation. Maybe that is what makeup is to me. That is what makeup is to me. It’s the chance to express myself and enhance myself and make something new out of myself each and every day and it’s something that gives me confidence and makes me feel pretty enough and when my anxiety gets bad I can sit down and do my makeup again and it helps me through those hard days and it may look like I’m insecure or like I don’t want to look like myself but no, makeup helps to make me who I am.

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